CAN YOU GIVE UP BEING THE HEALER, EXPERT OR FIXER TO BE A COACH?
This was the challenging question with which eminent coach, author and speaker Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC ended our monthly learning session at a packed event of associationofmumbaicoaches.
The topic was ‘Reflective Enquiry’ and there were several lightbulb moments during the 90-minute session including an enlightening coaching demonstration.
💥 The key takeaway for me was to go beyond the holy grail of goals and outcomes in a coaching conversation, to focus on what the client truly wants to become. This will enable the change they are seeking to bring them closer to their new identity.
Here are some gems that were shared by Marcia:
💎 Coach who they (client) are and not how they see the situation- If I shift my perspective about myself then I am likely to shift my behavior.
💎 Explore what is that they want to create. What is their articulated desired future?
💎 Interpret their present. Who are they in the situation?
💎 Decision is not a coaching outcome and neither is the insight. Reflect on what taking the decision and having an insight gives them?
💎 Coaches are ‘external thought disruptors’ helping clients see their thought patterns and break through the stories that hold those patterns. They must see the story and then see beyond it.
💎 Coaching is insight-based learning not fear or fact based, helping expand client perspectives beyond their doubts and fears. Get clients to articulate their insight in a sentence.
💎 Coaching helps clients think for themselves unlike Mentoring which works by pacifying the brain (with answers). Coaches therefore are thinking partners.
💎 Reflective Inquiry helps clients see their thinking. Start with reflecting and explore how they define the situation. Integrate the ‘who’ with the ‘what’.
💎 Be curious about the meaning behind the strong beliefs and assumptions that define their story. Power of coaching comes when we coach what we see.
💎 Don’t worry about being right as you share your reflection and not afraid to be wrong. Let the client explain or edit what you offer.
💎 Emotions themselves are not outcomes. It’s what the emotions lead to them being, that matters. Emotions from clients indicate something else is to be said. What comes after ‘but’ is fear!
💎 Closed questions are not taboo in coaching! They help confirm.
💎 Mastery is a deepening of presence not the perfection of skills. It means catching the moment you get into judging mode and releasing it quickly.
💎 When you think clients need your advice, you are judging them as inadequate.
coaching reflectiveinquiry reflection communication inspiration
Suman Nair, PhD PCC Deepam Yogi Monika Divekar Seema Menon
